Tomorrow morning I leave for home from Paris. I can hardly believe the time has come. Time is such a strangely experienced phenomenon in so many ways. While on the one hand it seems like so very long ago that I took my first tentative steps on the Camino del Norte, it also seems that the time has rushed by so quickly and already the three months have passed.
It has been quite some time since I have posted. Here is the best explanation I have for this. Since I last posted I have been traveling with friends. This has had its benefits certainly. I have had others to share the beautiful things with; someone tasting what I am tasting, seeing what I am seeing, willing to talk about the experiences with me, sharing and supporting.
What is clearly different, at least for me, is that traveling with others seems to naturally diminish the opportunity for introspection; the chance to see what life will offer when I am completely vulnerable and, by necessity, I find I am more open to meeting the world on its term when I am by myself.
There is also a different sort of accountability. Good or bad, one must make each and every decision and be responsible for the outcome of those choices. My understanding of independence and dependence have completely changed through this experience. I have, by necessity, depended on the goodness and humanity of others and it has been rewarding beyond measure. My previous pejorative view of being “dependent” has been forever altered.
I have learned that I am more brave alone……this is hard to explain. Things I would be reluctant to do and would verbalized my fears about to a companion (or maybe even choose to forego once giving voice to the fear), I respond to differently. I find I dismiss my fear, form my resolve, and do whatever it is when I am alone. I don’t even entertain the sense of reluctance or fear in the same way I do when I am with someone else. I can’t explain this.
The last weeks I have traveled through Croatia and sailed with my friends, and explored Turkey with Chris and these have been wonderful times, don’t misunderstand. But, it is different and I found that it did not create the same sense of wanting to deeply think about my life, to examine my thoughts and reactions, to let my time and thoughts take their own unbridled paths. I didn’t feel I had anything I really wanted to share on these pages that wouldn’t be more a recitation of my travels than the sharing of my personal journey; my “Camino”.
Over the next few weeks I will shared some of the travel experiences while they are still fresh in my mind and share some of the photos that best chronicle the experiences because I want to be able to look back on them in the weeks, months and years ahead. But, I acknowledge that this will not be the same experience of self-discovery of my first two months, but rather a reflection on the beauty, majesty, rich history, and wonderous sights that I have had both the privilege to sample and the joy of sharing them with people I care for very much.
There is a huge undiscovered world “out there” but an equally or maybe even larger undiscovered world “in there” if we create the time, opportunity, and openness to visit and, more importantly, linger there. My hope is that I have learned something about how to “be in the world” to make this possible wherever I am; that I will take “my time” and be less busy; that I will wander; that I will be brave; that I will find my companion ability with myself; that I will let humanity in and trust it’s inherent goodness.
I feel so very fortunate to have had this time. I am happy and sad as it comes to an end.
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